My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize