I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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