he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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