Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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