I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
