She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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