I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
