i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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