Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize