he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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