I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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