So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
