if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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