Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
