I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
