Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just threw up on my dentist
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
