I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
