Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
