even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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