Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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