I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
