I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
