I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
