I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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