I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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