It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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