He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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