you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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