why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
