So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is wine microwaveable?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
