Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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