my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
