hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
