I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
