I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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