break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
