i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
