gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
