can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
