I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
is that a dick in a sweater?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize