The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
me + whiskey = a bad person
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
