More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
