I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
