i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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