Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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