The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
