someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
