well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You left your phone here
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