My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Alive.
So much puke
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
