Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
