If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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