I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
