what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
