He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
