Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
