No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
