I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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