apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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