You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
