How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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