Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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