Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
