I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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