I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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