You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
