This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
