How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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