now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize