the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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