I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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