If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
